"The Feather under the Hat" #32

26 December 2012

“The Necessary and the Unnecessary Companionship”

The sufferings of life, as rightly explained by the concept of ‘Karma’, a person’s performance of his duty, are inversely proportional to the amount of perseverance and good intention he commits to his life. But I believe often people end up reaping the pain arising out of the ‘Karmas’ of the ruined company they keep. It’s a hard fact that how often the wrong kind of companionship results in depriving people of the goodness of life.

 

“The practical aim of a companionship is to benefit from it, concurrently towards performing one’s sacred duty – Dharma”

 

"Draupadi"

Lost in my own nightmare that I am, Krishna find me,

Persecuted for being in my own body that I am, Krishna rescue me,

Consequentially bartered amongst, out of the devil’s inexplicable aggression and leisure,

The devil you constructed to protect me and provide,

Tough, arms well built, the one who you bestowed upon the robust muscles.

Cut in pieces, ripped off my self esteem every day, for satisfying the man,

The man you created to complete my incompleteness,

Who I conceived, nurtured, and dutifully fulfilled at every step.

I was his wife, who he put up for sale, in return for his fake grandeur,

In the hands of the sly.

I was his sister, who he undressed in public, as the reward of the game,

And didn’t identify.

I was his daughter, who he banished and dismissed, for the love of his sons,

And couldn’t justify.

All the while, with my eyes closed, I remembered you,

I resisted.

I prayed my hands folded, holding on to the faint memory of that one time you saved me,

And he persisted.

The soreness of my wounds, doesn’t impress anymore,

The redness in my blood, hasn’t remained alarming enough,

Not to him, and I suppose not to you too,

You’re a man too, after all,

And this world… is the man’s world.

"The Blessing" and the "Good advice" - By "Maa - si"

To  Suruchi

Aishwaryam—my abode for the past eleven days.

Never have I been so involved with a single event in my life,

Except my own wedding…

Suruchi, you are the daughter I never had…

Beautiful, caring, sweet and rebellious,

Independent, bold and your own person in so many ways…

Defying your mother just like I have done all my life…

May you find happiness in myriad ways and grow into a lovely wife,

And a caring daughter-in-law.

This is the blessing the whole world will give you…

But I would say it differently…

I would tell you to…

Take a stand for things that matter to you,

To be independent in your views and not just an echo of your other half,

To be ambitious and to follow your heart…always,

To not be judgemental and look at people in all shades of grey,

To be indifferent to selfish people, false pretentions and hypocrisy…

To be self-reliant today and always,

And finally to find happiness in ways that matter to you.

Bless you both, with all my heart.

- Gauri Misra

"Your Dream and Mine"

The little mercies of life, are best acknowledged,

When they no longer remain,

The apparent greatness in the luxury to the eyes,

Nothing but a misjudgement in absolution, in vain

In the middle of all the merry-making,

Gala celebrations, and all the cheery laughter of the crowd,

Your wonderful company has become a dream,

But we will smile, and we will laugh,

As you would have wished for us in this time,

And also for we believe, that you’re around still,
in the hiding, dancing in the joyous moment,

Welcoming with us, my knight,

You wouldn’t disappoint, would you? J

Dad, I’m dreaming of you now, 

as I walk,
and I know the one that you dream, 
that I'd walk,

Take my hand in yours,

And walk me there; walk me to the aisle,

Walk me... to our dream!

PS's most popular

"Good fences, make Good neighbours"

Dear Significant Other,

It’s true that I love you, and I know that you love me too. But you and I weren’t meant to be joined at the hip no matter how much we think we love each other. Love doesn’t mean being together 24/7.

When we’re together, I have a wonderful time. However, you insist that you want to see me almost every day, and that’s just a bit too much for me. I appreciate the fact that you’ve gladly chosen to share each of your waking moments with me, but in return you’ve presumed that I would similarly cede in mine. I adore your company, but I need my space to dream, create and to experience my own boundaries.

Excuse me for the unexpected intervention in this beautiful journey of love that we’ve promised to pull up till the end. I only wished to break away from the mistaken notion of love to think, that love means trying to possess, or to own the one you love. Because while you grew on that misconception, and I continued to mis-service you, you took away my freedom to be an individual.

Recall the time, when we’d met. You were elated with my sense of individuality and my independence. You respected my schedules and timelines/deadlines but never asked for full reports, offered help but never imposed, shared secrets but never pestered, wiped my tears but never asked the reason behind, suggested a proposal but never insisted, gave me your telephone number but never called back on mine desperately, looking for my sign. 

You and I both were happy with the 'attention' that we willingly gave to each other, regardless of what we rendered to our families, peers, co-workers and colleagues. We weren't jealous, rather identified each other with the whole system to which each of us belonged, to the choices that we had made in the earlier past and to those that we continued making in the present, without any complaints.

Our journey up till now has been fantastic without any doubt, and I maintain that I couldn’t have been happier. But believe me when I tell you, it’s heartbreaking for both of us, that while you thought you gave me everything possible in the relationship, it still lacked fulfillment. I guess because in return you took away what was mine – my personal space.

And before you could ask me the conspicuous question - I’ll answer it beforehand – No. It’s not true that I no longer care for you. In fact, there’s nothing wrong with our relationship, at least not right now – But only if you could shed your fears and care enough to really understand what I mean when I say,

“I want to miss you”

Lovingly yours (Pun intended)

"The Feather under the Hat" #30

29 October 2012

“Because of you, I failed / could not concentrate / broke up / can’t trust / got injured / rejected / left alone” etc. Or some with real creative thinking invested in like “You have created a monster / a failure / a loser in me. You’ve made my life a living hell. Because of you, I’m not the same happy person, you changed me!”  - And many more

People often resort to ‘blaming’ as an outlet to a kind of frustration; that is assumed to be generated by the one who’s getting all the blame in your mind. That’s the flipside of having close relationships. People are highly interdependent on each other, leading to one’s actions/thoughts to affect the other’s feelings and emotions. Further, as communication events are continuous i.e. they are tied to the past, present, and future of the relationship, the very continuity of conflict where each person keeps blaming the other for their negative conflict behavior creates a lose-lose situation - Prolonging the conflict.

Although it is inevitable that people in an interaction become interdependent - that is, each person's behavior has the ability to impact the other - that does not mean that it is ‘one person's behavior’ that causes another person to respond in a particular way. Each and every one of us is responsible for what happens to us at each point in time. It’s imperative to understand the importance and significance of what I term as ‘Given’ in a situation. The definition of ‘Given’ has to be taken in entirety that goes on to include intended or unintended ‘hurtful action’ of the other person (stress on intended/or unintended). One needs to believe strongly in the fact that a person does, exactly what he is supposed to do, because you deserved exactly that.

Now what!

Look for the next best solution, than blaming - A forward course of action, than the reverse. Anything forward, is better than anything backward! J

(Are you hoping I’d give you a further solution? Think better of it, mine will scare you! J)

E-Wedding

Link to our official wedding website

"The Ungrateful"

Out of nowhere, when I appeared, I didn’t know home,

I vaguely remember waking up, and looking for your hand and smell,

The home wasn’t where I was, it wasn’t like how it is now,

It was the feeling of you being near, that was home

From not picking nose in public, to washing hands after the crap,

The good manners, the ‘hellos’ and the ‘Good days’, would anyone know at 2 otherwise?

Now that I have children who are taller than I, I know how arduous it is to teach with patience & love,

That they unlearn in School & don’t read up in the Civic Sciences,

I wish to not speak of the thousand illnesses, that you warded me off as a child,

By just being close, bringing me food and tender care,

It makes me feel small and dirty, because of all my insensitivities which I do not hesitate to show to you,

Even while I knew, THAT, you would ask out only once,

Out of the thousand other times that you really needed something,

Mother, I am late but still young to become conscious to the fact,

That the time is less than the burden of my thoughtlessness,

You don’t need a mother, I know, but you need your daughter, 

Let me be the one again, I’m not busy anymore,

The ‘Busy tone’ will be for the rest of the world, when my mother needs me!
 

"The Feather under the Hat" #29

17 October 2012

The gravest and the deepest of your sorrows is the one that will always be very personal. It's impossible to confide it in anyone, because it makes one so low and upset that words won't come out. It only shows in actions, reactions, moods, facial expression and affects the physical, mental and emotional energy. It's important to acknowledge the cause of distress before it starts influencing happy people around, and work on it. Being left alone may answer part of the problem, but to start with, one must start believing in the balance of life. There is no way one can realize the goodness without paying for it in tears. 

This may lessen the feeling of misery and recharge you once again to get on happily with the rest of the journey!

P.S. - For people on the other side, it's important to learn the significance of empathy, and the privacy that one needs especially in relation with their personal sorrows. No one likes to tolerate tantrums, but once you start thinking from the other person's perspective, the whole thing becomes easy on both sides and cools off before you even make an effort!