"The Feather under the Hat" #30

29 October 2012

“Because of you, I failed / could not concentrate / broke up / can’t trust / got injured / rejected / left alone” etc. Or some with real creative thinking invested in like “You have created a monster / a failure / a loser in me. You’ve made my life a living hell. Because of you, I’m not the same happy person, you changed me!”  - And many more

People often resort to ‘blaming’ as an outlet to a kind of frustration; that is assumed to be generated by the one who’s getting all the blame in your mind. That’s the flipside of having close relationships. People are highly interdependent on each other, leading to one’s actions/thoughts to affect the other’s feelings and emotions. Further, as communication events are continuous i.e. they are tied to the past, present, and future of the relationship, the very continuity of conflict where each person keeps blaming the other for their negative conflict behavior creates a lose-lose situation - Prolonging the conflict.

Although it is inevitable that people in an interaction become interdependent - that is, each person's behavior has the ability to impact the other - that does not mean that it is ‘one person's behavior’ that causes another person to respond in a particular way. Each and every one of us is responsible for what happens to us at each point in time. It’s imperative to understand the importance and significance of what I term as ‘Given’ in a situation. The definition of ‘Given’ has to be taken in entirety that goes on to include intended or unintended ‘hurtful action’ of the other person (stress on intended/or unintended). One needs to believe strongly in the fact that a person does, exactly what he is supposed to do, because you deserved exactly that.

Now what!

Look for the next best solution, than blaming - A forward course of action, than the reverse. Anything forward, is better than anything backward! J

(Are you hoping I’d give you a further solution? Think better of it, mine will scare you! J)

E-Wedding

Link to our official wedding website

"The Ungrateful"

Out of nowhere, when I appeared, I didn’t know home,

I vaguely remember waking up, and looking for your hand and smell,

The home wasn’t where I was, it wasn’t like how it is now,

It was the feeling of you being near, that was home

From not picking nose in public, to washing hands after the crap,

The good manners, the ‘hellos’ and the ‘Good days’, would anyone know at 2 otherwise?

Now that I have children who are taller than I, I know how arduous it is to teach with patience & love,

That they unlearn in School & don’t read up in the Civic Sciences,

I wish to not speak of the thousand illnesses, that you warded me off as a child,

By just being close, bringing me food and tender care,

It makes me feel small and dirty, because of all my insensitivities which I do not hesitate to show to you,

Even while I knew, THAT, you would ask out only once,

Out of the thousand other times that you really needed something,

Mother, I am late but still young to become conscious to the fact,

That the time is less than the burden of my thoughtlessness,

You don’t need a mother, I know, but you need your daughter, 

Let me be the one again, I’m not busy anymore,

The ‘Busy tone’ will be for the rest of the world, when my mother needs me!
 

"The Feather under the Hat" #29

17 October 2012

The gravest and the deepest of your sorrows is the one that will always be very personal. It's impossible to confide it in anyone, because it makes one so low and upset that words won't come out. It only shows in actions, reactions, moods, facial expression and affects the physical, mental and emotional energy. It's important to acknowledge the cause of distress before it starts influencing happy people around, and work on it. Being left alone may answer part of the problem, but to start with, one must start believing in the balance of life. There is no way one can realize the goodness without paying for it in tears. 

This may lessen the feeling of misery and recharge you once again to get on happily with the rest of the journey!

P.S. - For people on the other side, it's important to learn the significance of empathy, and the privacy that one needs especially in relation with their personal sorrows. No one likes to tolerate tantrums, but once you start thinking from the other person's perspective, the whole thing becomes easy on both sides and cools off before you even make an effort!

"The Feather under the Hat" #28

12 October 2012

We're humans. We don't just take birth, live on food and die. We love, and that's what makes us different from the other animals. Loving, is the most natural feeling in the world according to me. It comes uninvited, intrigues, embraces and stays forever.

Just like what Albert Einstein said about "Energy", that it can neither be created nor be destroyed, "Love" can not be created as well, it exists inside us, like a latent form of energy. There is no way it will cease to exist, but will only transform.

Ever wondered about the feeling of "Hatred"? It is that transformed energy, which was "Love" till sometime back, but has been influenced by the self created negativity of our thoughts. Similarly, the feeling of revenge, resentment, guilt, fear, anger, anticipation, expectation, pity, jealousy and envy are all forms of love.

I wish we could all make our lives simpler, by truly believing in the power of love.

(Sigh) Easier said than done!!

"The Feather under the hat" #27

4 October 2012

Ever found yourself unhappy for the sole reason that someone else is happy?

Hanging on to other people's happiness, most certainly guarantees irritation, jealousy and unhappiness for our own self. That means, that one may have all the reason in the world to be happy in a moment, and still end up jerking the high tide, all for falling to the feeling of misery arising out of someone else's happiness.

Quite often, people pretend to be happier than they are, to the outside world (we'll come to why's of that later), and here we magnify the sham in our minds & overlook the richness of our own blessed lives. Feeling despaired out of looking at happy faces from a distance is not real, because that's not what you wanted. You wanted something else, and in amidst of the whole misery, you've lost it in your mind.

Happiness is a personal feeling, and it has to come from within. Comparisons and bench marking it with someone else's only dilutes it. People who are genuinely happy are the ones who goal their dreams themselves and achieve them, most importantly, the goals are purely personal and the success too.

"Make your own happiness, and not hang on to the others'. Share it and make it felt across everyone around you.

...and it'll grow"