29 October 2012
“Because of you, I failed / could not concentrate / broke up / can’t trust / got injured / rejected / left alone” etc. Or some with real creative thinking invested in like “You have created a monster / a failure / a loser in me. You’ve made my life a living hell. Because of you, I’m not the same happy person, you changed me!” - And many more
People often resort to ‘blaming’ as an outlet to a kind of frustration; that is assumed to be generated by the one who’s getting all the blame in your mind. That’s the flipside of having close relationships. People are highly interdependent on each other, leading to one’s actions/thoughts to affect the other’s feelings and emotions. Further, as communication events are continuous i.e. they are tied to the past, present, and future of the relationship, the very continuity of conflict where each person keeps blaming the other for their negative conflict behavior creates a lose-lose situation - Prolonging the conflict.
Although it is inevitable that people in an interaction become interdependent - that is, each person's behavior has the ability to impact the other - that does not mean that it is ‘one person's behavior’ that causes another person to respond in a particular way. Each and every one of us is responsible for what happens to us at each point in time. It’s imperative to understand the importance and significance of what I term as ‘Given’ in a situation. The definition of ‘Given’ has to be taken in entirety that goes on to include intended or unintended ‘hurtful action’ of the other person (stress on intended/or unintended). One needs to believe strongly in the fact that a person does, exactly what he is supposed to do, because you deserved exactly that.
Now what!
Look for the next best solution, than blaming - A forward course of action, than the reverse. Anything forward, is better than anything backward! J
(Are you hoping I’d give you a further solution? Think better of it, mine will scare you! J)
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